Bit late for Halloween, Kevin

This is an actual email that has landed in my in box this afternoon:

 Dear Sir/Madam,

My name is Kevin and I am an investigator of a small team of Paranormal Investigators called Hunters of Paranormal Experience H.O.P.E . We provide Paranormal Investigation’s to locations that may have experienced some form of possible paranormal activity whether it be in the past or present. I would like to ask for me and my team to have permission to conduct an investigation at The Pinfold Guest House.

We have already investigated some impressive venues such as Mosborough Hall, The Sheffield Lyceum Theatre, Manor Lodge and Hallam FM which was featured in the Sheffield Star. We have also investigated a number of public houses and several private investigations too.  We have gathered together some exciting evidence so far from our investigations and are always looking to further this.

We are a fully insured Professional Paranormal Investigation Group, and can provide proof if required.  The reason for us to be insured is to give locations a peace of mind regarding their property and the safety of it, and any person involved during the time of our investigation. We can assure you that any investigation would have no affect on your business whatsoever and would not take up any of your time as it would be done in the evening or during the night at a time and date to suit your needs. Yourself or a member of your staff are welcome to join us on the night should you feel safer with this.

 We are also a member of the UKBPA (United Kingdom British Paranormal Association).  You cannot get any better credentials in the world of paranormal investigations than this at this moment and if you were to search online for “paranormal groups”, you wouldn’t find many that have insurance.  There could be many reasons for this, but I feel that as a group of Professional Investigators, you need to be prepared to take the extra steps needed to look after locations, people and the environments we investigate. This is something that we are proud to provide.

As a group we use a vast selection of equipment during our investigations and use mediums, to back up any readings that we may pick up during the investigation and we are always improving on this. We do investigate thoroughly and try and debunk or give any natural reasons for anything that we find before we go down the road of calling any location haunted.

We provide full back up of ANYTHING we capture, whether it is a lot or simply nothing but you will receive full copies of this evidence for you to make up your own mind and we can also visit you after the investigation and go through the evidence that we found at length should you like us to. All we ask after is that with your permission, we be allowed to show highlights of the investigation on our website but please be assured that any evidence you would like to be kept confidential, will be so. So with your permission, could we arrange to meet up with you and discuss the possibility of conducting a paranormal investigation at The Pinfold Guest House.

I would be grateful if you could reply if only to say you are not interested so that we can remove you from our contact list for future re-contact campaigns.

                                                                                                                                                                                                           Many thanks,

     All of which is of course frankly awesome.  Yes do please pitch up tell me my home is haunted by malevolent spirits and then feck off leaving me to live here quaking in fear at every bump in the night.  But for me the absolute clincher, the coup de grace was this:
We can assure you that any investigation would have no affect on your business whatsoever and would not take up any of your time as it would be done in the evening or during the night at a time and date to suit your needs.
Kevin, I challenge you to remove your head from your arse and to hazard a guess as to when a GUEST HOUSE might just be at it's very busiest. Ta Dah! FFS Kevin, people like you are the reason skilled paranormal investigators are forced to make their living working with the likes of Yvette Fielding.