Tuesday, 4 October 2011

Making like a sheep

As you know I am a self-confessed gym dodger, still paying for my membership in the vain hope that just having the card in my purse will give me buns of steel.  I was reading something the other day, no doubt with a glass of red in one hand and a bag of crisps in the other, about how women with fabulous hair are generally fatter than those poor souls with skanky, unwashed, seriously unfabulous hair.  

As I am one of the folliculey blessed, with  a great mane of tresses that are bathed in unguents at great expense and then teased into a coiff of glossy lovelyness (in my head, if not actually on it) this gave me pause for thought.  Apparently, women that spend ages doing their hair avoid getting all hot and sweaty cos it makes their hair look shit. 

I had a quick mouthful of wine and another handful of crisps as I processed this and had something of an epiphany.  That is exactly the reason I avoid the gym.  Well, its the main reason I cite for my gym avoidance. I get up at 5.30am 5 days a week, it takes me 1hr & 20 mins to do my hair and face so that I am presentable to serve guests breakfast.  This finishes at 8.30am.  The gym is 10 minutes away, puts me at the gym at 8.40.  1 hr in the gym and home and its 9.50am.  Add the second hair and face session so that I am presentable to see in guests as they arrive later in the day and its 11.10am and the entire morning has gone. 

So I decided to do something unheard of for me.  On Sunday morning I got up, washed my hair and left it at that!  To fully grasp how important that is you have to understand how fat women think.  Fat women know that everyone thinks we are lazy and out of control, which isn't actually the case we just like wine and crisps and don't move as much as we should.  So to show you how much control we have our hair is always perfect, our nails are always manicured and we would never, ever leave the house without full make up, whilst struggling to do up our size 20 jeans and hating anyone that dares weigh a pound less than us.  See, it was a REALLY big thing!

Whilst it isn't perhaps the most terrific look for me it also isn't totally awful and I am going to stick with it for a bit longer, certainly on weekdays, I get to have a lie in on Saturdays and Sundays - no alarm clock til 7am so maybe I'll splurge and do the full works then.


Undone - oh but looking at these I am missing my lovely groomed hair.
And as I am sure you are wondering, no I still haven't been to the gym!


  1. You have just summed me up completely. I have to do complete skincare, full makeup, hair straightened, before I go anywhere, yet couldn't care less what I wear. This is because I am a size 20 and don't look in any mirror that shows me anything from the neck down. I will always remember reading in Viz Top Tips (many years ago, don't judge me), "Fat birds, paint your toenails, then no one will notice you're fat" and at that moment I realised that they're on to me.

  2. But I am fat with crap hair. What does this mean?! *eats another hobnob*

  3. Gillian, that made me roar! top tip for larger ladies, love it!

    Jane, lovely, you are deluded. You are not fat and your hair is not crap. And no one rocks red lips quite like you do.

    And an update. Curly Debbie lasted all of 3 days, looking shit all day wasn't worth the 10 mins extra in bed so I am back to blow drying. Oh well, at least in an emergency (World coming to an end, total power cut at 6am that kind of thing) I know I can get away with not doing the full works!

  4. I have to confess, I tried the blow dry-and-go thing one day, and I actually thought it didn't look too bad, but when I went to pick the kids up from school the first words out of my eight year old son's mouth were, "Bad hair day Mum?" Never again.

  5. Debbie, please do a post on how to master the blow-dry, you seem to have it down and I suck at it. Loveage xxx

  6. Lol! Will do, although there's no real magic, just work on the basis of 'divide & conquer' - sectioning your hair is vital, but I am sure you knew that already! But I will photograph what I use and do an explanation!xxxxx


Would love to hear from you, I always read comments and reply and I love not feeling like I am talking to myself! dx


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